Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
