i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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