just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
