If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
