as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
