I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
