i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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