We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
