You're completely useless in the revolution.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
