He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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