i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
