It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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