3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
