I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
