So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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