Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
