He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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