Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
