ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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