How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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