How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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