I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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