Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
