What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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