It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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