omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
