Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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