You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
