a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
