Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
