I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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