thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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