It's Friday. Sex?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
