im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have so much sex to catch up on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
