K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
