i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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