Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
