I met the friendliest cop last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
