Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
