Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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