Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
