One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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