I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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