Sry I called you an 8
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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