could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
