tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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