Walk of Shame today included voting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
