i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we're so committed to being not committed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
