I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
