Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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