I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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